I will tell you how it all started. Last night Tyler was hot, well the fan is on my side of the bed, so I let him switch me spots (to be nice) and then I couldn't for the life of me get to sleep. Now I was on the hot side of the bed, then Jake decided to wake up at 1:30 am. So who has to get up and feed him? me. Tyler was sound asleep. so I get up, make a bottle, take a melatonin (to help me get to sleep) and feed Jake. I get him back to sleep (in our room). An hour later I am still wide awake. I cannot fall asleep on the wrong side of the bed. So now i am mad at myself for being "nice" to my husband. I take my pillow and go out to the living room where I lay on the couch for another hour. Next thing I know Tyler is tapping me, I open my eyes, and the sun is not yet up, but it is lighter outside, maybe like 5am? He plops Jake down next to me. Really? He was kind enough to make a bottle and bring it to me so I didn't have to get up. So I fed Jake (AGAIN) and put him back to sleep in our room. Then I take my pillow and my now aching back into our room and push Tyler back over to his own side of the bed. I am so grumpy at this point that i was not concerned about being "nice".
Now when it was finally time to get up and ready for the day. I woke up to a messy kitchen, messy living room, and messy kids. Really? You were up 2 hours before me and you know that I got NO sleep, you couldn't have at least cleaned up a bit? nope. So naturally everything that was built up inside of me.... EXPLODED! I was not nice at all. not to anyone. I am embarrassed at the things I said and the things I did. I admit I do have a little bit of a red-head attitude. It doesn't come out very often anymore, but when it does, WATCH OUT. So because I blew up, so did Lucy, and so did Jake. But, my sweet Husband never let his cool go. He is so restrained and reserved that he knows if he just stays quiet and lets me get it all out, it will eventually pass. And it did. But Lucy is like her Momma in that, if I am in a bad mood, it puts her in a bad mood. So now I am suffering the wrath of her, because Mommy was a meanie. And I am trying to let it pass with her.
I am sorry. I am sorry today that I got mad. I am sorry that today, I was a bad Mommy. I am sorry that today, I was a mean Wife. I don't like yelling, especially in front of or at my kids. There is no excuse for the way I acted and reacted. I am trying my best and sometimes that isn't good enough even for me. Sometimes I make a mountain out of a mole hill. Today I am not proud of me. I will be better tomorrow. I realize that I am the only one who has the power to change me. It was a choice to let the little things get to me. It was a choice to get angry, it was my choice, and it was wrong. I will be better tomorrow.
The moral of this long story is..... maybe get another fan? lol
Sorry for my rant... I am done now
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